From Saturday, December 2 - Sunday, December 3, 2023.
Lessons were learned.
Keri asked me to pace her at Devil Dog 100M after having trained for the Javelina Jundred and getting sick just 2 days before the race and not being able to start. She messaged me about this race asking if I knew anything about it. I was familiar with the course having paced another friend last year. I told her I would happily join her as a pacer from mile 55.5 and run to the end with her. If I had been training, I would have offered to meet her as early as allowed by the race which was at the beginning of loop 3 or mile 42.
We kept in touch throughout the day and I could tell something was off at loop 2 via text exchange.
Keri: I kinda want to die lol
Michelle: Oh no what’s wrong? Are you with anyone? Are you at Gunny? You can do hard things.
She is an upbeat, positive, go-getter. She’s tough and has accomplished some unfathomable athletic challenges. DD had nothing on her. Her message made me think she’s starting to get in a funk.
On my drive down, she called me. “I think I’m done. My heart just isn’t in it.” I didn’t want to push her to keep going but I also didn’t want to tell her to quit. I asked if she had another 8 miles, even if she had to walk. That would get her to Camp Toofy, at mile 55.5, and I’d be there ready to assess and pace.
I could tell she didn’t want to. “I gotta see you in person and we can discuss.” She reluctantly agreed.
As an endurance runner in the midst of a challenging race, I’m not sure what’s worse, to run with someone who is running a shorter distance (100k, for example) with a more generous cutoff time or running with someone who is in a pretty negative headspace that is running the same distance. The first scenario happened to my friend last year. She made a friend running the 100k and slowed down to his pace, not realizing that the cutoff was significantly more generous for him than for the 100-milers.
When I met her at Toofy, she was done. She was taking her time and taking her hydration pack off. It was empty. I filled it up with water and her Skratch. Her hands were shaking while taking her pole handles off. She took a few sips of some veggie broth but it wasn’t enough. I could tell she was losing the fire. Her new friend that she had been running with, John, was also losing steam. I felt that they may have gotten into this funk together. My first task was to separate these two, now that they both had pacers to get them both back in the right headspace.
Keri began to tell me that she felt bad that I had driven this far for her to quit. I felt bad letting her quit this easily when I know she has the strength and grit to fight through hard sh*t. I witnessed one of her easier feats at Twisted Branch 100k.
I encouraged her to at least make it to the next aide station, Camp Remi, to complete loop 3 and make it to the 100k distance. I was nervous pushing her. I was nervous letting her quit. Never have I ever felt so torn.
Our nearly 7 miles out there were pretty damn miserable. The heavy rain and dense fog didn’t help - her legs were tired, her hands were getting shaky from the cold rain, and the course markings were hard to find. Our bright lights in the rain and fog seemed useless. I talked about everything other than running. As soon as we got on the topic, she began to beat herself up for wanting to call it quits. Another runner was going off course ahead, and was relieved to see us. She joined as I led the way, or tried to. We called her “Canada” because she was from Toronto. Her headspace was more positive - “I left my 4 kids at home, traveled all the way here and so there’s no question whether or not I’m finishing.” This is where we needed to be, surrounded by this.
I thought for sure that we were going to keep going, until we saw a Camp Remi sign. Keri restated that she was ready to call it. I checked in with her fueling and hydration. I wanted to make sure she was making the right decision. It was hard to determine what the best outcome of this should and could be. Should I push her to pure misery? No. She told me this was not the race or goal that she wanted to hinder her from moving towards her 2024 goals. DD was a test of getting to the start line, feeling like she had pushed to her max and didn’t complete a training cycle without feeling like she gave it her all. And she did. Dammit, she did.
I’m so incredibly proud of her for bouncing back from our 100k in August, overcoming some serious health issues at Javelina just 5 weeks ago and still getting another 100k. 💪🏼
She’s my hero!
(Oh, and not a single photo. Too dark. Too rainy.)
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